There has been much scientific study on the brain. A few decades ago, scientists believed that the brain was finished growing around the age of two. It was thought that after the age of two, the child’s brain was like “data entry” and the child just absorbed and continued learning, that the brain was fully developed. Through advanced medical imaging techniques, it is now known that the brain has another large growth spurt around the age of 12 and finishes up in the early to mid 20’s.

As anyone who has, or has had a child in their tweens know they get hit with a lot of changes, body, hormones, behaviors, and interests. Many of these changes have been blamed on hormones but as science has discovered most of the changes are due to the growth spurt in shiny new neurons and hard-wiring going on in your adolescents brain.

Understanding the three main areas of your adolescents brain that are affected will help you, so you can help them navigate this time in their life with skills that will go with them into adulthood.

 1.   The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain responsible for abstract thinking, impulse control, and understanding consequences.

It takes 8 to 10 years for this area of the brain to be fully developed so, your child will actually be in their mid 20’s before this area of the brain is fully developed. This means, your tween will need to be reminded to practice developing strong decision-making skills and socially appropriate behavior.

Talking with your tween beforehand about how they would handle risky or dangerous situations can help them make better decisions in the future. As a tween and teen they are prone to act more impulsively however, when they take time to process and plan, they can make great decisions. Because, they lack a fully developed “brain filter” reinforces the importance of parental guidance and setting limits for them (and NOT making decisions for them!).

2.   The amygdala is the part of the brain that serves as the emotional center.

Scientific studies of the adolescent brain show that the amygdala is amped up and in overdrive. What this means is every thought, every statement, every action passes through this area of the brain gets an extra dose of emotional charge.

Emotions are often misread and misfired meaning your tween is not very adept at reading facial expressions or body language. The most common emotion they “read,” and it’s the easiest emotion for them to “access” is anger. So, a headache is anger, confusion is anger, a sideways glance is anger, and a sad event can be uncontrollably funny.

You can strengthen your tween’s emotional intelligence by pointing out emotional misinterpretations. Teach your child to pause before assuming that actions or words are meant as aggression. Tweens need help thinking about the possibilities other than their first defensive impression.

This means, it’s also important for parents to model healthy expression of their own emotions. That means not jumping to conclusions emotionally.  Controlling the way you express your anger and frustration, and avoiding yelling matches with your adolescent. On the other hand, it also means openly and sincerely expressing your happiness, love and gratitude as another example to follow.

Additionally, this emotional center, which is such a dominant part of the brain, needs to be “fed” regularly with things that give your child “emotional highs.” Tweens and teens crave excitement and thrills, therefore risk taking is a big part of their lives. The good news is that healthy risks (sports, live performances, trying new things) feed that center just as well as the risks we don’t want our kids to take (drugs, sex, dangerous behaviors).

Adolescents are coping with rapid physical and hormonal changes, and with each passing year, they will be more aware of and interested in adult behaviors, including drug use, alcohol use, and sex. They will need to make healthy decisions for themselves regarding these behaviors within a context of social and familial values (many of which they will be questioning and evaluating). To do so, they need to develop their own values, as well as honing their skills in self-control.

This presents a challenge for adults: How do we keep young people safe while also helping them become independent decision-makers?

Keeping the lines of communication open no matter what happens is essential. Questionable decisions—even as a parent, encourage your child to take healthy risks. Allow them to become experts in their areas of interest or skill. As your child takes risks and masters new skills, you will see their confidence growing.
Risky or dangerous ones like experimenting with smoking or visiting inappropriate websites—are best greeted with open conversation and understanding, along with firm consequences. And if your tween/teen loses some of your trust, he or she must know that it’s possible to regain that trust.

3.    The third brain change is a pruning phase.

This is where the adolescent brain discards thoughts and actions that are no longer used before it lays down new neural pathways and becomes faster and more efficient. The thoughts and actions that are no longer used get “deleted” (think abandoned music lessons) and the brain begins hard-wiring the pathways that continue to be used regularly.

As your tween’s brain is making new connections, it’s important to make sure they remain physically active and practice decision making skills, communication skills, and healthy behaviors like setting goals and establishing personal values.

Kids are increasingly being asked to set personal goals and consider how to achieve them. This helps prepare them for college and careers, where they’ll have to manage their own time in goal-directed ways, but many kids initially find these skills hard to master. They often need adults’ support, guidance, and limits to achieve these skills. These are the things that they will carry with them into adulthood.

Repetition is key to hard-wiring or establishing strong neural pathways. That means whatever they do repetitively will be with them for the long haul. That also means you can be repetitive. That’s right, it’s not only ok, it’s important to repeat your messages to get them hard-wired over the course of your child’s adolescence. But, be creative with your repetition so it doesn’t turn into nagging. Find different ways to get your same message across. Use examples from school, the news, music lyrics. The more your child hears the same message from you in different contexts, the better that message will be hard-wired into their consciousness.

Unfortunately, too many tweens/teens are hard-wiring less useful skills. Hours spent in isolation with a cellphone/computer, or in front of a TV, or playing violent video games can have long-term effects on brain development and behaviors.

Not only is your child’s body changing rapidly so is their brain. Modern science has made it clear, that there is no time more important than the tween and teen years for establishing healthy habits and spending time honing the skills they will carry into adulthood.

For more information on your tween/teens brain development go to: https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/teen-brain-development/