Today I want to talk about mindset. How your mindset can determine what kind of life you live. And, with all that’s going on in the world these days why it’s vitally important that you understand what your mindset is and where it comes from. The important question is, can we change our mindset if we don’t like what our mind seems to be focusing on?  Or, are we stuck with whatever our mind decides it wants to think about?

First, what is a mindset?

Second, why is knowing about a mindset important and what does it have to do with you?

Third, where do these mindsets come from?

And lastly, is it possible to change our mindsets?

 

Let’s start with – what is a mindset?  It is an established set of attitudes held by someone. These attitudes predetermine how you will respond to and interpret situations.

Have you ever noticed how some people seem happy pretty much all the time or at least fairly upbeat most of the time? There are some people who everything just seems to fall into place and their lives seem perfect.

Then, there are those who seem sad, angry, or ready to disagree or fight with anyone who has a different opinion than them. They struggle in their lives and some sadly feel what’s the point.

There are also those who fall somewhere in the middle of happy or content most of the time and sad or ready to disagree or fight with anyone with differing opinions.

As human beings, we have a wide range of thoughts and emotions that all go into making up our mindset.

So…now we come to, why is it important to know about mindsets and what does it have to do with you?

How have you been feeling lately? Have things been working out for you in your life?

Depending on what your answer is to these questions depends on the mindset you have. Do you have a generally happy, self-confident mindset where you know there has to be a way to accomplish your goal?  Or, do you shy away from meeting new people and having new experiences, almost afraid of life?

Understanding how our mind works is the key to understanding why we are who we are.  More importantly, it’s also the key to shaping who we want to be.

Where do these mindsets come from?  There are a few things that go into how we arrive at the mindset we have.

For starters, we aren’t born with them. This is great news especially if we’re not all that happy about our current mindset.

Our minds are made up of two parts – our conscious mind and our sub-conscious mind.

Conscious mind – this is where we do all our thinking. It’s the part of the mind that we are very aware of such as, when we’re telling someone about a movie or book we’ve read or what we did on the weekend.  This is the part of our mind where we think and make decisions.

Sub-conscious mind – this is the part of our mind that we aren’t necessarily aware of all the time. It’s where we keep all our memories, life experiences, and belief systems. This part of our mind acts like a giant filing cabinet.  It controls our mind depending on what experiences we’ve had and what belief systems we’re running. This is also the part of our mind that can derail our decisions and we may not even realize it.

Both parts of our mind control how we live our lives.  Whether we’re happy and confident or not. When both are working together life is easy and we can accomplish what we set out to do. An issue occurs when our sub-conscious mind overrides our conscious mind and sabotages our plans. Have you ever been really excited about doing something or going somewhere only to discover that when the time comes suddenly you really don’t want to do it anymore? You’re not really sure why.  But, you just know you don’t want to do it anymore.  This is because a belief system you hold may be telling you, you’re not worthy, or people like you can’t do it, or some other negative thought.

An important note –  is that our sub-conscious mind is stronger than our conscious mind and never shuts off, even when we’re sleeping. The average person has 60,000 or so thoughts per day that are set on repeat. This means we have a handful of things we are thinking about and we think about them over and over and over.

Stored within our sub-conscious mind are our belief systems along with our memories and life experiences.

Belief system – according to the dictionary a belief system is “a set of principles or tenets which together form the basis of a religion, philosophy, or moral code.”

Having a strong belief system (not just wishful thinking) say in winning an Olympic medal will drive you to do the things necessary to win the medal. However, if fear, doubt, depression and negative thoughts start to dominate your belief system it will be much harder to achieve your goal of being an Olympic medal winner. Chances are, once the negative thoughts take over you won’t  have a hope of winning an Olympic medal. Your belief system is the invisible force behind your behaviors and what you will actually accomplish in your life.

As you are likely beginning to see your belief systems have a huge impact on your life and what you can accomplish.

Now to the nitty gritty of where the heck they come from. Our belief systems are made up of thousands of beliefs about every area of our lives such as friends, school, sports, family, money, health, religion, culture, food, and the list goes on.

Let’s look at two scenarios:

When you are born you are surrounded by loving parents, caregivers, grandparents, siblings, and other extended family members. Each and everyone of these people come with their own set of beliefs.  Quite often if the people are within the same family unit, they share many of the same beliefs. They may all go to the same church or believe in the same religion or vote for the same political party, or they may all root for the same sports teams among many other things.

There will be differences in their beliefs though depending on what life experiences they have individually lived through. So, as you are growing up you will be listening to many different people telling you about their thoughts on many different experiences.  How they see the world through their eyes according to the experiences they’ve had. Until you are old enough to be more independent and not surrounded by caregivers looking out for you, you will see much of life being the way it is through their eyes. If you are surrounded by loving people, your belief systems will likely be that life is loving, fun, safe, and in general a great place to be.

Another young child coming into the world on the opposite end of the spectrum.  Born into a life where they aren’t wanted, perhaps addicted to drugs, and given just the bare minimum of life sustaining attention will view the world very differently.

They will have a set of belief systems that life is –

• hard,
• not safe, scary, and
• not really an enjoyable place to be.

This child’s belief as they grow up will be one of distrust, fear, feeling unworthy, and a need to do things for themselves because they can’t trust anyone.

With the examples of these two children and their very first experiences of life you can see that there are two types of belief systems:

Supportive beliefs – which help us feel good about ourselves and make it easier to accomplish what we want.

Examples of how we might talk to ourselves with supportive beliefs are –

• “I’m smart”,
• “people like me”,
• “I know I am loved”,
• “I love new adventures”,
• “my life is happy, and I’m surrounded by loving people”,
• “I can do anything I put my mind to, I don’t let fear stop me”, etc.

Limiting beliefs – which can hold us back and keep us from what we want.

Limiting beliefs sound like –

• “I can’t do this”,
• “I’m not very smart”,
• “Why would anyone listen to me”,
• “I’m too old to go back to school”,
• “I’ll do it when the kids grow up and leave home”,
• “Everyone in my family has diabetes so I will too, etc.

Although the two children in my examples had very different arrivals into the world  it doesn’t mean that how their lives will turn out is carved in stone.

Changing Your Mindset

When you start having your own life experiences and are exposed to others outside your immediate family with beliefs that may be very different you will then decide what beliefs you will hang onto, and which ones don’t hold true for you anymore. Such as, when you enter school and how that whole experience goes for you –

• whether you are bullied,
• what friends you choose to hang out with,
• various teachers and their beliefs on life events and how they view you as a person,
• coaches, whether they be supportive mentors or make you feel small and unworthy, etc.

As children growing up and navigating the world, interacting with many different people, cultures, religions, thoughts on health, food, money, etc. you can see how even the child with the amazing start in life can falter.

The child with the sad unfortunate start will also navigate the same world. If that child has the good fortune to meet an amazing mentor whether it be a foster parent, teacher, coach, minister, someone in an after-school program, or anyone who sees potential in this child, it is possible to change any of the negative beliefs they are holding.  It is possible for this child to be very successful in life.

All children need to have people in their lives who see their possibilities and believe in them. Giving them the message that, “You can achieve what you believe”.  Then be willing to show them how to accomplish this. Even if you are not a child anymore it is possible to change any negative beliefs you are holding about yourself and the world around you.

*For more information on how you can help your child’s mindset be one of possibilities. Where they have a mindset that they believe and trust in themselves.  Go to my contact page and let’s get started.