Feelings – Good or Bad

We all have many feelings some are happy, joyful, sad, angry, frustrated, scared, and anxious to name a few. It’s how we view them or think about them that make them good or bad.  It’s what we do with these feelings that will determine whether we live in a world of possibilities with high self-esteem and powerful self-confidence or not.

It’s perfectly okay to have and to feel each and every one of our feelings. However, none of these feelings should be considered good or bad.

Another way to understand these feelings is to look at what events we feel caused a particular feeling.

The events that happen are neutral.

Standing in Our Power

What we need to do is stand in our power.

What does that mean?

Standing in our power means choosing to be responsible for it all. To take ownership, or full responsibility, for our thoughts, our feelings, our words, our actions, our goals, and our dreams.  To do this we need to practice shifting our thinking.

Shift Our Thinking About Our Current Thoughts

To shift our thinking, we need to understand our current thoughts about the situation and why we are upset.  Once we understand the source of the problem, we can shift our thinking about the situation to thoughts that support us.

Here’s an example. “Suppose someone cuts us off in traffic.”

We can choose to be angry and yell at the driver telling her she is an inconsiderate selfish @%#& who needs to go back to driving school or, we can shift to a thought that is more supportive of us such as “maybe she was late picking up her child.” Shifting our thinking enables us to shift our energy from the negative feeling (anger) to a powerful feeling (empathy/compassion).

Here is an example that our children can relate to. In this example, “Marie fails her math test.”

She can respond by saying, “I failed the test. I’m so stupid. It’s all the teachers fault she made the test too hard.”  In these statements Marie is not accepting any responsibility for failing the test.

Now your child may or may not come up with these ideas on their own but that’s where you parents and caregivers come in to help come up with ideas.  She can take responsibility and shift her thinking and respond by saying, “could you help by quizzing me before my next test?” or “I failed the test, maybe I can work with a math tutor to improve my grade.” or “I’ll talk to my teacher and see if there is something I can do to bring up my grade.”

Do you hear how the first statement can be harmful to Marie’s self-esteem? Whereas the second statements enable her to remain in her power and take responsibility for failing the test.

What type of impact would it have on your children if they learned to respond from a viewpoint of power versus a viewpoint of victim and blaming others?

Thoughts and the Energy it Produces

As an adult, I’m thinking we have all had an incident where someone has cut us off in traffic or cut ahead of us in a line at the grocery store.  With these two particular occurrences I want you to think back.  If your reaction was one of anger or annoyance how long did that feeling last?  Did it spill into other interactions you had with perhaps your spouse or children?

While you are negatively mulling over the horrible drivers or how there are so many inconsiderate people out there, it is creating very low energy in your body.  Your thoughts tend to veer off on all kinds of other negativity while in this state.  Your whole energy is one of anger, frustration, and resentment, etc.  Now, really think about how long you allowed yourself to spiral down into this negative energy before you let it go or allowed something else to distract you out of the energy drain.

Let’s consider a child who has failed a test, or been betrayed by their friend at school.  They will most likely be having thoughts of anger, feeling unworthy, fear, anxiety and a whole host of negative thoughts. These thoughts will directly impact their self-esteem which is how they feel about themselves.  As well, these thoughts will also impact their self-confidence which is what they feel is possible for them to accomplish in their lives.

Children need to be taught that there are ways of letting go of negative thoughts and feelings.

Ann Landers had a wonderful saying, “It’s not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.”

Strong, non-judgmental communication skills are very important to have with your children.

Rather than being immediately upset that your child failed the test, which reinforces their thoughts that they are stupid.  It also instills fear and anxiety when test time comes around again.

Find out why the child thinks they failed the test.  It could be that your child didn’t have time to study because they were too busy with family outings and functions.  Perhaps they are overwhelmed with extra-curricular activities.  It could also be that your child needs a little more help with a particular subject as well as a dedicated homework time.

Either way your child will already be wallowing around in some pretty negative energy.

If  you think about how you feel when you’re in that state, you will have the empathy to want to do more than be upset or angry.

Feeling Victimized?

Most of us will experience a situation where we feel victimized – someone steals from us, bullies us, breaks their commitment to us, treats us unfairly, etc. Feeling victimized can create major negative feelings such as fear, anger, resentment, and thoughts of revenge.

However, wallowing in negative thoughts does not help us create what we want in our lives. Instead, it generates negative energy and keeps us focused on the past. When “bad” things happen, we can choose to stand in our power by “choosing” how we respond to the event.

Shifting our thinking doesn’t mean we condone what has happened.  If authorities need to be contacted of course we involve the necessary authorities.

It just means that we won’t allow the situation to continue victimizing us over and over again with thoughts of anger, fear,  resentment, and revenge. Standing in our power enables us to recover from the incident and move forward.

Taking Responsibility

Taking responsibility is our source of power and enhances our self-confidence.  We learn that ultimately we are in charge.  Even if the only thing we can choose is how we respond to a situation. 

So, when you are having negative thoughts, you get to “choose”.  Do you want to take responsibility by standing in your power regarding these negative thoughts or do you want to be a victim?

The choice is always yours.